Monday, August 10, 2009

Trust. Quietly, expectantly anticipating God's goodness, or Fear?

" Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge."
Psalm 62:5-8 (NLT)

It seems that before school starts each year God breaks me and shows me how weak I really am. So... These are the things God has put on my heart in the past few weeks...

Change is difficult, but without change the passion and excitement of following God is sucked from your life. In my experience, when a Christian becomes comfortable with their situation they slowly cease to step out in faith and therefore end up being less effective. As a wise great commission pastor once said in a sermon, "if you want to see God come through put yourself in a position where you're in real trouble if he doesn't." Comfort is dangerous.

I think that sometimes I have a difficult time distinguishing between comfort and support. Support is often times comfortable. I've been emotional exhausted because of all the changes going on in my life this summer. They're good changes, but hard changes. So my emotions of being jealous and upset bring on emotions of frustration because the first emotions can't be cured by logic. I've been falling apart and I couldn't figure out why, but I have come to the conclusion that I was lacking support because I was not searching for my support from the right source, the only Source.
I have a tendency to put unreal pressure on the people closest to me to hold me together during difficult times. I want those people to act as funnels for me, and have them feed me strength from the Lord, however that is not only impossible, but it is actually idolatry.
Jesus Christ is the one mediator. We have access to the Father through Jesus alone! When I treat people in a manner that asks them to lead me to the Father it is putting the redeemed in the place of the Redeemer!
(I do believe that other people can direct me towards Jesus and in turn to the Father, but I am pointing out that in my life I have the tendency to ask others to do the work for me instead of actually seeking out the Father for myself.)
I want people to be my constant, but people change!
God must be my only constant, my only source. He is the only one who has the ability to enable me to live a life pleasing to Him!

The second thought I have been thinking about quite a bit in the last two days is how easy it is for me to freak out about things.
The world is utterly chaotic. People change. Relationships change as the people in them change. People's attitudes, likes, and even personalities change. Growth, which is commonly accepted as a good thing, is change! Many of the changes I've been experiencing seem to be so good for other people and so detrimental to my life. Yes, this is quite a selfish point of view. But I've felt left behind in a lot of ways and very alone. The devil likes to feed me these kind of lies, but this is what God has given me to overcome them!
God has promised me that he loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
He is also in control, whether or not I feel like it. Nothing happens outside of His will, because He is a master designer and planned all of this before the world began.
And finally, God is good. God = good. It is not just a characteristic, it is His very nature. He cannot be bad, because He is only good!

There is no problem that I can freak out about if I really believe what the Bible says about my God! So instead of coming at a problem and thinking, "Oh my goodness, what am I going to do when _____ happens and I can't handle it, and I'm alone and I feel deserted!" I can approach a problem with an attitude of, "I know that you are in control, I know you are good, and you've promised to take care of me, so I am excited to see how you are going to work this for your glory and my good!"
I have found that when I decide to trust in God's character I have an unreal amount of joy!! And the things that caused me so much pain, and all this insecurity are the things that I am the most excited about! I get to hold onto my Father's hand as He leads me into something new!! New friendships, new depths in my current relationships, and new trials that continue to refine me.
Most of all I am excited to understand how deep my Father's love is for me.
I have come to understand more of my own wretchedness and there is more than enough love pouring into my life from my Father to cover anything I could ever do!!
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 (NLT)

I am daily convinced more and more that He is the only reality and the only Truth.
Praise God!