He will be first

I've been extremely frustrated with my school work recently because everything I do requires me to be creative. I don't get to copy something from a book and turn it in. I must copy what is in my brain and expose it to the world to see, evaluate, ridicule, reject, or ignore. Maybe this doesn't seem like a very big deal, but I'll explain why it is to me.

I am not content to create anything without meaning. I do not think it is possible. Nothing is arbitrary, even when you mean for something to "not have meaning" that is a meaning in itself!
I am doing a lot of designing, for advertisments, for artistic compositions... etc.
I design things with specific purpose. I create compositions by thinking of what I want to communicate and usually pictures come into my head when I visualize my thoughts... that is were my art work comes from... the pictures in my head that express my thoughts.
So this means that everything I create holds some part of me.
This scares me. I think that's completely logical for me to be fearful. It's like a small portion of my heart for other people to critque.
But more than the fear of people knowing me, is my fear of being "appreciated"
Art is not something to be "appreciated" but something to be accepted and understood.
Don't get me wrong... There is a place for the kind of art work that just "looks pretty", but I would challenge the definition of art as something more than eye candy.
So my fear is not of someone critiquing my technique, or my use of color, my fear is that my work, that is part of me, will not be given the value that I give it myself; that my work will be misunderstood for something it is not; that I will not effectively communicate my heart; that people will not realize that it is my heart. The object becomes me; not a canvas, but my heart in acrylic form.

How does the Lord fit into this?

God is an artist. He created the entire world. I do not think any of His creation is arbitrary either! If I am sinful and human and I am not satisfied to make work that does not hold meaning, do you think that the Holy God of the universe created anything without meaning?
And can I say that I do not think God sent his Son into the world to be "appreciated", but He sent him so we would accept Him, and understand who He is!!
He has put his heart ever before us! Everything He created is an expression of His being! Although fallen and defaced, this Earth still bears the unmistakable marks of a Master Sculptor.

I asked God to be the Lord of my school.. He is showing me that He will be first.
This is what He's taught me so far
I desire to have my work express who Christ is in me.
to be a replication of His masterpieces, of His heart...
I want to only create in a way that reflects what His creation originally reflected!

I want my art to be a mirror that only ever shows God's truth. His Glory.
It is for Him.
It is to make known who He is.
And only ever for these things do I want to create.

Cause me to be unable to produce something if it is not true.

Cause me to fall into a creative slum if I cease to glorify you in my work.

Block my words. Blind my eyes. Break my hands.

If they will not create for You. They will not create at all.